Support Our Soldiers – Scott’s Memoirs

Posted: September 4, 2013 in Guest Blog Posts, Military
Tags: , , , , ,
Originally posted on May 8, 2012
 
Scott, @jetz52469, is one of the first soldiers, to my recollection, to ever share what happened to him while serving in the military, and what may have caused his PTSD. Thank you, Scott, for sharing this!
 
I so dearly want to hear all the stories from all soldiers. I would love to collect these stories, and read them every time I feel that we take life for granted. I would like to read them to my daughters, to remind them of what a blessing from God our soldiers are.
 
I’m deeply grateful to Scott for sharing his story. I pray, as I send this, that it will reach those who need to hear it most.
 
*****
Hi my name is Scott. I am a United States Air Force Veteran. My Dad was a veteran of the Marine Corps. He served in the Korean War and World War II. I joined the USAF in April of 1996. I served in the Bosnian conflict. I admired my Dad very much but never understood why he never talked about the Marines and the wars he was in. He would simply get mad at me and yell “I don’t want to talk about it”. Now I know why.
 
I was supposed to leave for Basic Training in August of 1996 but I came down with viral meningitis. So my basic training got pushed back to October. After being in Basic Training about two weeks the TI had broke me down. At first it was hard because it was nothing but mentally challenged attention to detail stuff. But I made it through with 5’s. (5’s are outstanding.)
 
Tech School started in December. After a couple of weeks i came down with the flu and got pushed back a week; but I graduated with a 94% average and third in the class. I also received a letter of appreciation during Tech School for helping to clean and organize the warehouse for a competition at Lackland Air Base. The instructor who gave this to me, I can remember him like it was yesterday. Sgt. White, he was a fantastic individual. Like me, he was also from the Bronx, NYC. The reason why I remembered him was because he cried a little when I graduated. Imagine a six foot black American crying. He did though, which brought tears to my eyes also.
 
After graduating I went back home to my home state of New York and was stationed at Stewart Air Base, before being transferred to Patrick Air Base in July of 1997. I was a Supply Sergeant. What a mess that was to clean up. I cleaned up three bags per person in the unit and a total of 375 bags for deployment that had to be checked every month to make sure each Airman had everything they needed for deployment.
 
Little did I know I was going into a combat unit. I went from a flight unit which carried C5A Galaxies to a combat unit being deployed every three months for rotation. Nobody knew where we were going, just rumors.
In March of 1998 I had been deployed to Bosnia. We got off the plane and went to our post. It was cold but our tents had heat and a/c, as well as tents for showers. While going to our post I could hear gunfire that sounded a lot like firecrackers. I wasn’t put out in the field like the other Airman but I did get my fair share while going to supply them with the necessary items they needed.
 
I was marching through town, it was quiet and there were a couple of kids playing with a soccer ball in the field next to where we were walking. Didn’t pay much attention to them because we were watching for the insurgents. A loud bang went off and all I could see is the child falling to the ground. Everyone got on their guard after that. That had made me so angry for an innocent child to get killed. I still get angry over it to this day. I can see it in my mind over and over again.
 
I learned from the psychiatrist to write things out if I feel angry. It is easier than talking about it. I cry at night seeing that little boy killed for no reason. I can’t get it out of my mind. This is what makes you want to kill the people that are responsible for this. I had shot a couple of insurgents in Bosnia but I was laid back most of the time due to supplying Airmen with stuff they needed.
 
Late one night on a 12 hour shift, 6pm to 6am, I was working on getting some things together. I was thrown to the ground by a loud bang. My head felt like it was exploding. My body was hurting. Someone had thrown a grenade behind the tent I was in. We were getting hit with everything that night. And all I could see is that little boy being blown apart. Everything was in slow motion. We got checked out by the medics. Everything seemed to check out but my hearing. I had a loud ring in my ears and I was also feeling dizzy.
 
Flew back to base in the states and had to undergo psychiatric treatment due to the dreams and panic attacks I was having. We called them “run-offs”. Me and a friend of mine that was in the Marines had the same problem. Run-offs is when you are having a panic attack and your mind wanders off into the images you have seen in war. I get them every now and then, mostly controlled by medications now. They seem to work most of the time but my mind will never forget that little boy playing.
 
When I got out in April of 2000, I had been seeing a psychiatrist every week and taking three medications for my anxiety. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic War Syndrome. Don’t ask me how but it could’ve been from that grenade which triggered it. I have no clue. All I know is when I have that attack, I see that little boy. Whether it was a grenade or bomb, I don’t know. All I know is it was so loud that it knocked me down. When I opened my eyes, all I could see was that little boy.
 
I had lost my family due to the things I have encountered. But I don’t blame them or anyone. Things happen for a reason. I drank a lot so that contributed to it also. That helped me deal with a lot. But it was the wrong thing to do. It was hard for my family to go through what I am dealing with. They do not want to see the things I have seen.
 
Imagine if that happened here in America? My perspective is that people over here are spoiled with freedom & take advantage of it. Many cry racism. Some cry because the rich are getting richer. Some cry because they are poor. But you know what? Try living in a country where no one cares and people are dying everyday from murder to terrorism from governments or just bad people. You wont.
 
What if you were that little boy playing in the field and you got blown up or if it was your son that it happened to? Are you going to cry racism over there? You wouldn’t get the chance to because you would get killed for opening up your mouth. That’s why everyone comes here. They know how great of a nation it is here.
 
Be proud of this great country you live in. Don’t take anything for granted. Do unto others as you would for yourself. Be proud that you have the opportunity to become a success here in America. We all have that same chance, are you going to blow it?
 
I served my country not because I was asked to, but because I wanted to for the people of The United States of America. And for my Dad who passed away three years before I joined. Be grateful for what you have and lucky that those privileges are not taken away like other countries do to their people.
 
Bosnia is the only country I have been to while I served, and have not told anyone of this past until now. NYTFURY is an exceptional woman who understands me and I felt like I could confide in her about my wartime service. She is a true friend and great American. May God Bless all my true conservative friends.
 
Sean Hannity is a person I look up to because of all the evil he has to endure everyday. May God Bless him and his family too.
 
Had another episode while I was typing this. I hope this reaches many Americans that can see from my perspective. There are a lot of people in the military that have experienced much more than me and I support them and I hope they will support me.
 
May God Bless America.
 
Scott
**********
 
P.S. 
Everyone knows my heart for our soldiers. I long to do more to help those who return from war, and/or re-adjusting to civilian life. The biggest response from these brave men and women is ‘Support’. They tell me that just supporting them means a lot… I don’t understand how, I don’t feel it’s enough, but regardless of what I comprehend, we all should support our military, past and present.
 
You may not agree with war, military strategy, the administration, etc… But these soldiers are REAL people, with REAL stories, REAL feelings, flesh and blood and bone… They are not robots, they are not unfeeling, they are not disposable…
 
P.P.S. 
If you’re a soldier, and are willing to share your story with me, I’m all ears and eager to listen to you. You are important to me, and you will always have my support.
 
Let’s honor, respect, thank and SUPPORT our soldiers! 
 
Soldier on!
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Comments
  1. […] I was very shocked when a friend of mine, Scotty, said I could post his story in my blog. He has since written an update on his condition, and although there are some who don’t share his experiences or agree with his views, it is nonetheless HIS story and testimony of HIS experiences. And he wants his struggles to reach any and all veterans who might be struggling alongside him in silence. Or maybe there are veterans who’ve learned how to manage their struggles and can provide advice. Either way, our veterans deserve for their voices to be heard. You can find Scotty’s story here. […]

  2. […] I was very shocked when a friend of mine, Scotty, said I could post his story in my blog. He has since written an update on his condition, and although there are some who don’t share his experiences or agree with his views, it is nonetheless HIS story and testimony of HIS experiences. And he wants his struggles to reach any and all veterans who might be struggling alongside him in silence. Or maybe there are veterans who’ve learned how to manage their struggles and can provide advice. Either way, our veterans deserve for their voices to be heard. You can find Scotty’s story here. […]

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