I Can Only Be Me…

Posted: September 9, 2013 in Broken Fury
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Ree Drummond (aka The Pioneer Woman) and her family

I’ve spent the better part of my weekend checking out The Pioneer Woman’s website. http://thepioneerwoman.com/ When I first got on twitter, I did so to follow the Backstreet Boys (yes, I heart the Backstreet Boys, and they actually followed me back! Thanks boys! KTBSPA!), and to follow Chris Daughtry, and then I followed his wife, who followed Ree Drummond aka The Pioneer Woman. I began to follow her & quickly learned there is so much more to her than I expected!

I was drawn to her wit, her photography, and her cooking. Her twitter timeline always had a handful of gems that I looked forward to finding. She now has a show on the food network, I believe, a third cookbook about to be released, and a website overflowing with more gems than her twitter timeline ever had.

I went from following celebrities to politics and I eventually lost track of The Pioneer Woman. I do have her cookbook and have tried most of her recipes out and enjoyed every page of pictures and stories.

Now that I’m finding an outlet via my “blog” for the endless chaos in my brain, and my oldest daughter has become quite the baker (I’ve created a monster!), I found myself searching through The Pioneer Woman’s world once again.

She’s a stay at home mom, she cooks, she bakes, she home schools her four children, she’s madly in love with her husband affectionately named Marlboro Man, she loves animals, she takes thousands of photos, she’s quirky, and she’s a hard worker without letting on as such. She’s pretty much everything I envisioned myself being… Minus the cattle ranch, cowboys, and *four kids… *2016 update: I wish sometimes now I did have four kids if I could go back and redo some things…*

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Our little cabin in the woods

I ended up in a tiny log cabin on 40 acres, married to Arbor Man (I named him that before I learned of The Pioneer Woman) – a utility forester/ arborist, and I have two kids. Oddly, they are the same age as The Pioneer Woman’s at the time she was my age.

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My family (faces covered for privacy)

My marriage isn’t as happy as hers is portrayed. My kids are, sadly, in *public school. *2016 update: due to Common Core BS, I’ve removed them from public school* I pretty much stopped cooking years ago when my husband pissed me off in the kitchen (but I still cook a select few dishes that he can’t duplicate well, and I still bake). I love to take pictures but have no outlet for them, so they sit in my hard drive of my very *outdated laptop. *2016 update: I now have a MacBook Air that I’m still learning how to use* I have a blog but hate to call it that, and I certainly don’t call myself a blogger. I guess I’ll call it my online diary? And I’m a diary-er? Diarist? How about my journal? Then I’d be a journal-er? A journalist? Ha!

Another thing I enjoy about The Pioneer Woman is her dorkiness, for lack of a better word. I have always called myself a dork. I really am a dork. I’m weird. Odd. Silly. Forever 17 years old – a year shy of being an “adult”, and a year more mature than “sweet sixteen” 😉

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I’m so dorky that I find things like this absolutely hilarious!

My posts are usually pretty serious, though, and they highly filter out my dorky side. Not that I intentionally do that, it’s just that I’ve been trained since my senior year of high school to write with structure, leave out emotions, stay on point… Blah blah blah. When I started my “journal”, I didn’t write in a very structured manner. Boy did I feel like a rebel! Reading my older posts is like hearing my voice on a tape recorder – disgusting sometimes. But as I read The Pioneer Woman’s blogs, I realized there’s no “structured” way one must blog. I don’t have to have my filter on. I can be a dork. I can write. In. Weird. Ways. Like. This. If I so choose.

The OCD and anal retentiveness in me won’t allow all that, though. And I prefer to stay semi-reserved until one gets to know me. Then they see Jai in full effect. (Beware the second wind I get when staying up late…it’s like a natural alcohol effect!) However, I take Ree’s lead in that its ok to let loose. Write, just to *write. *2016 update: I obviously haven’t updated this site b/c my anal retentiveness in writing has exhausted me. I do need to write just to write. Maybe soon…* Share, just because. And to not give a damn what others may think. “If you care about what other people think, you will always be their prisoner.” -James Frey

image The point of me writing this is to express how we often picture our lives to be a certain way. Goals are set and a lifetime is spent to attain them. And when we don’t fit the mold that we, and society, have *set for ourselves, we often become depressed, have a mid-life crisis, etc. *2016 update: I’ve learned and come to the conclusion that sometimes the life we wanted and didn’t get can lead to something better. Maybe it was to teach us what we really wanted. I wouldn’t start over again, I think I’d just like a fresh start as the person I’ve become and the things I’ve learned.* Maybe it’s an age thing, but I find myself often saying “life is short, you only live once”. I don’t mean, in any way, to be careless and party it up. What I’m saying is to stop trying to be something you’re not and stop living in ruts. Be productive. Make a difference. Stand for something. Find a way to use the gifts God gave you.

I’ll never be The Pioneer Woman, nor do I want to be. I would like to have many aspects of her life, but that’s her life, not mine. I’ve made twists and turns along the 37 year path of my life that led me to where I’m at. I have to focus on Jesus and strive to be like Him. The more I do so, the more my life will fit into the mold He created me for. And I’m the only one who can fill it apparently…

Soldier on!

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Comments
  1. paulessick says:

    Reblogged this on My Blog snuppy.

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